I found out I was pregnant by accident. After believing for nearly 10 years that I wasn't suppose to be able to have children, I got sick and didn't know what was wrong. Pregnancy was the farthest thing from my mind. I figured it was side effects from being stupid in my after work life. I was going to say night life but really I was working nights so it was early mornings to late mornings I was busy screwing up my life. Anyways, someone at work teased me about being pregnant. I had laughed and told her I wasn't because the doctors said it wasn't possible. As the week wore on, the seed she planted sprouted. The more I thought about it the more it all made sense. I was being sent home a lot because they thought I was going to pass out. Combined with my lack of appetite and that some foods smelled awful to me plus the moodiness, it all began to sink in. I finally broke down and took a home test. Positve. Thought: LIAR! Second test: POSITIVE! Thought: OH CRAP!
Off to the doctor to confirm it. Sure enough I was cooking! The stupid thing is I could of found out I was pregnant the month before when I went to the E.R. because I had a black out spell in my car. I wasn't driving thankfully but it scared the crap out of me. I call it a black out because I had turned off my car and then my world came back swimming and I was still in my car but almost no time had passed. The doctor said he thought I had fainted. Which couldn't have been from lack of food and water in my system. No, never that! They asked if it was possible if I could be pregnant. I told them I don't know. Usually they automatically do a test on me everytime I go to the ER but not this time! And back to confirmation, I was excited but I was devastated because I had been naughty. I was 3 months pregnant and had been drinking and done some drugs. I cold turkey stopped everything! I started forcing myself to eat and drink. It wasn't easy.
I was just starting to show and it was Thanksgiving in a couple of days. I got off work, finished my turkey shopping and went home. Felt wonderful and happy. Went to bed just to wake up around 2 am from braxton hicks. Or so I thought! A little over 3 hours later, Samantha Raine was born to the "healthy" size of 2 lbs 7 oz 14 in long! Paperwork wise I was 26 weeks. Sami's development was 28 weeks. I had 3 months to prepare and I didn't have jack squat! I didn't get to hold Sami. She was born, taken straight to the cleaning station and rushed to the N.I.C.U. without me even getting to see her. She was 12 weeks early, trying to breath on her own & her eye's were open. We spent the next 3 months in the N.I.C.U.
Samantha was 2 weeks old before I got to hold her. I didn't get to hold her like you do a normal baby. When I say I got to hold her I mean I got to hold her up so the nurse could make her bed throught the incubator hand holes. It's hard having a sweet little innocent child you can't rub their hand because it bruises to easy. You can't hold them to comfort you or the child. When Sami was around 3 weeks old, December 12th to be exact, she had a P.D.A. Ligation. (not sure on the spelling) Basically she had heart surgery. She was the first premie to have this procedure done in the St. George NICU. The tube that goes between the heart and lungs that closes within 3 days of birth was almost closed and re-opened.
They had to take this tiny staple looking thing called a Titanium clip and clamp the vein closed so she would quit getting fluid on her lungs. She will forever have this thing in her heart. When she got pnemonia last winter, she got an x-ray done of her lungs and you can barely tell it's there. It looked like a slightly bright spot on her rib bones. The clip won't set off a metal detector either. Sami now has a scar under her arm but you'd never know she was a premie or had heart surgery. The doctor's told me that it was just because she was so tiny when she was born but really I feel it was part of the effects from my stupidity. Just because your told something isn't suppose to happen doesn't mean it won't and you should never let yourself down to the dumps of hell because of self pity! I know from experience!
Sami was released on her due date. The nurses kept saying she wasn't ready to go home and we had to fight them. Really it came down to they were attached to her and THEY didn't want to let her go home. We had to learn to put a feeding tube in to take her. We did. the first 24 hours of feeding was hell! We'd do the feeding tube with what the hospital said she was required to have and she'd puke. We decided to hell with it! We took the tube out and guess what?! She gained more weight then required by her 1 week doctor appointment. She was eating what she wanted not being forced! She also had acid reflex. I feel the reflex was started from being over feed then was the result of being allergic to my milk and having to go on formula. Doctor's said it was from an overly sensative stomach. I'm no doctor but I sure don't like to listen to them. 9 out of 10 times they're the idiots not me! Back to Sami!
She was put in a program called TLC (The Learning Center for Families). It's a program of people who visit you in your home, usually once a week, to help you work with your baby to teach your child developmental skills so they will be as normal and healthy as any other child their age. Just like any other organization, you get retards who look down their noses and act like you don't have a clue when really the shoe is theirs. My first case worker was a jerk. She kept putting in the reports that I was detatched and wouldn't hold or work with the baby. She talked down to me and was snotty. She also pushed her LDS standings and beliefs on me constantly. Don't mistake me, I don't mind most LDS until they push their crap on me. It's one thing to believe it's another to cram it down someone's throat. Anyways, I hated it her. She finally quit. I felt like she had to many complaints about her and was let go but that's my opinion. My next case worker was awesome! She was in the learning process and was willing to work with me and talk to me without being prejudice. (Not sure it that's the right word but you should be able to catch my drift!)
Sami showed ton's of improvement! It helped a lot to have someone who wasn't afraid to sit on the floor with my child and I and show me and instruct me on what I needed and shouldn't do. Our appointment always went over and we were great friends. The first worker was never there more then a half hour out of an hour. When you take the time, success will follow. Sami graduated early from the program because she exceeded expectations & over qualified us! She was a late walker and talker but she sure doesn't show it now. She has my clumsy genes too. She loves to blast music and if she could get away with it she'd watch TV all day. She can't walk anywhere, she has to run! She definitely likes what she likes and it's like pulling teeth to get her to try new things. She doesn't like being center of attention or being part of medium to large groups. She still tells me that someday she is going to own her own bus! That's a little story I'll have to fill you in on later.
Sami isn't as hugable and kissable as you may think though. She's ok with them most the time but she is very hands off. I'm the same way so part of it is genes but when she was in the womb she was ALWAYS sprawled! She wouldn't tuck her arms and legs. She had to be stretched out. After she was born the nurses would have to fight with her to get her to keep her body swaddled in the fetal position. She always managed to get one leg out and one arm out. She still sprawls once she's asleep. She doesn't like to have her blanket tucked in either. She likes to be covered but that's it. She was that way when she was little too. We couldn't swaddle her to help keep her warm because it would piss her off. She is stingy with her hugs and kisses. It usually has to be her idea. Most of the time we can get her to hug the Auntie's and Uncles but sometimes her stubbornness shows through. Her brother on the other hand is the opposite! He likes to cuddle, hug and kiss (usually while he's sneaking at something else!)
Sami was excited we were having a baby but when it came time to take him home she was NOT happy! Christopher Draven was born 3 weeks early at the healthy hefty size of 7 lbs 15 oz 19 in long. I delivered 3 weeks before my finals were due and passed all but 1 class! I was due the week of finals too. Plus it was my first semester of college. Never thought I'd actually go to college but miracles never cease! Sami was happy to visit with Chris and I in the hospital but when it came time to leave it was another story!
I was left to push the nursery bed with baby strapped in the carseat in it and an annoyed little girl to leave the room. Daddy dearest took everything else out to the car to bring it around. Well, the cart is a pain in the rump and you had to use both hands to push it or it wouldn't go where you wanted it to if you even got it to go! I couldn't just leave my baby in the cart and chase Sami down the hall so I had to follow her as she went the wrong way at the door on purpose. Followed her to the end of the hall where she looked in every room she walked by until she didn't have anywhere to go and walked right past Chris and I in the right direction. We followed her until we got to the double doors to leave. They are locked doors so you have to be buzzed in and out. We had to go past the doors to get Chris' picture taken before leaving. Someone had opened the doors and Sami ran through them! I held the doors opened until the alarm sounded trying to stay with my baby, as I wasn't allowed to take him out of the baby area yet, and get Sami to come back.
It was a mess! I could of kicked Roger for leaving her with me while he played he-man and lugged everything out. By the time we left the hospital I thought for sure someone was going to call the cops for child abuse on us! We finally got into the picture room and Chris spit his binky on the floor so we threw it away. Sami freaked out we were throwing the baby's binky away and ran to get it out of the trash can that was under a lip counter and she pegged herself right across the eyes and bridge of her nose! She had a black eye anyways because she was throwing a tantrum and grabbed the side of the chair we used at the computer with no one in it and yanked on it pulling it over on her and hitting herself in the eye. Roger had finally come back in to see what was taking so long and Sami took off running into the storage closet while I was helping the nurse get Chris picture and Sami slipped on the tile and smashed the back of her head on the floor! I was ready to cry and scream by the time we left. Sami being obstinate and getting hurt. I still don't know why the nurse didn't walk us to the picture room and out. Isn't a nurse suppose to walk you out? The whole thing would of been easier if someone would of been there to help. I was never given a wheel chair to be wheeled out in either. It was all a joke! At least we all made it through and are happy and healthy!
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